Life is a gift whether it be from God, Mother Nature or Mitch Allan (singer of SR71—he thinks he is God). So therefore you have two choices: appreciate the gift and live life like it was meant to be lived (in a good mood and happily), and be sure to remember that this gift has no receipt. That means if you have the gift of life you can't give it back. Sure you can kill yourself if you are that depressed. But if you kill yourself, it is really a gift to us because we no longer have to listen to you complain or whine about something that we truly don't care about.

If you cannot find happiness in another person, live alone. If you cannot find happiness in work, quit. You see, that is the true gift of life. It is your life and you can do whatever the fuck you want with it. Some people choose to be productive members of society and do great things with their life; go to the moon, cure disease, write great music, have sex with me, raise children, help the poor, feed the starving, have sex with me, become doctors, create beautiful art, entertain us, make us laugh, serve the public, have sex with me, invent, inspire, mentor, love, defend and stand-up for what is right, have sex with me.

I have had my fill of people complaining about how their life sucks all of the time. If your life sucks than you suck, because ultimately life is what you make it, and you made your life suck. You see, people tend to make one thing their life and if that one thing is not going well than they believe their life sucks. Ridiculous! Life is made up of millions of tiny little happenings that all come together, yet we forget that a simple thing like starting a car is amazing considering not even one hundred years ago everyone walked wherever they went.

I believe that if you truly want to be happy you have to look at life and say fuck it, here we go let's see where this shit ends up. I know most of you reading this don't really have what you think is true happiness but look at it this way, if life were so perfect and everything was as should be you would be miserable. Because if it's one thing time has proven, it's that humans hate when things are going good and we do everything we can to fuck it up. At the end of your life you will be asked one question by God, Mother Nature, or Mitch Allan (see above for explanation). How was this gift of life I gave you? I hope at that point you are prepared to tell God, Mother Nature, or Mitch that it sucked. If not, start having fun now. Remember; if you want a good life have one.* (*authors note, having sex with author will make your life happy)! If you want your life to suck have a bad one it's all up to you.

My life is great for one reason: because while reading this, all of you thought of having sex with me at least once. And remember, if you can't laugh at yourself–fuck you. At least let the rest of us!

Some swingers want to swap partners. Still, I am ok with that if both partners are willing and want to do it. Not just doing it for the other person’s sake. The idea of two guys together is fine if both guys are into it. I am not attracted to other men. If I were, I am sure I would enjoy the time spent with said man and would even consider cuddling; but back to the point. I hear that a lot of people who try this are left with a jealous feeling or insecurities. I for one would be happy if someone could please my better half for once, as I am the worst lover in the world. I believe sex is a race and I am undefeated. I am not a jealous guy and my wife is not a jealous woman. So thinking about it, I would say we are perfect candidates for this lifestyle. So, I approached my wife with the idea of hooking up with another couple; and this is where having a great wife makes life worthwhile. My wife said no, and when I told her there was nothing to be jealous about, she said she was not jealous. I asked her why not, and she said "I wouldn't want the other woman to feel disappointed." I love my wife!

Pointing out all the fakes, the frauds, and the jive.
You took the world places it was afraid to go.
You pointed out things we didn't even know.
You made us smile on the darkest of days,
And then made us feel better in so many ways.
You were proud to be black before it was cool,
Making many look back and see they were the fool.
When your life was fucked-up and you were impaired,
You didn't run and hide you stepped-up, and you shared.
Your balance was perfect like a bird on a wire,
Telling us everything from cocaine to the fire.
You made me believe that a dog could talk,
And that you met Dracula on a late night walk.
Your journey on Earth is now complete,
So you're hanging with mud, bone, and tiny feet.
Rich you inspired me beyond belief,
And I wish you were here to get us through grief.
But I know you are sitting right next to God,
And if he is white you'll think "Man this is odd."
So when God asks you what you have done,
Tell him you taught the world to be happy, and to try to have fun.
So as time goes by and they say you were great,
Tell Saint Peter "Come on nigga open the gate!"

1. Let's Start With Relationships…

The hardest part about them is the other person. Sure the sex is fun, the playing around, drinking, and goofy-shit is incredible. But, what happens when the day is done, and the sex is over, and the goofy-shit has run its course? You're stuck with this person. Now the hard part begins. Remember that the other person has dreams and goals, and wants to share them with someone. Now if you don't want to hear about their shit, you don't love them, do both of yourselves a favor and get the f*** out now. If you do care, listen and at least pretend to be concerned. Side note for ladies: you don't have to talk all the time. You have to talk to each other.

Life sucks. Get used to it.

2. Money…

So many people always complain about not having money, and that they can't do fun things. The problem starts with what is fun. Most people consider fun something expensive or exotic like going to the hottest club or on vacation somewhere that costs two months salary. You know what fun really is, anything that makes you smile. Go to a movie, go hiking, have sex with a stranger just to brighten their day. The truth is, fun is what you make it, and you can have fun doing just about anything. You don't need to be rich to have fun. Find someone that likes to have fun with you. The expensive shit is for rich people and we're not them.

Life sucks. Get used to it.

3. Work…

The world has many jobs and if yours sucks, than you should have tried harder in school or did better in the interview process.

Life sucks. Get used to it.

4. Family…

Regardless of how you feel about them, you only get one. If you love them and get along with them, good for you, and use them for parts 1 and 2. If you do not get along with them, figure out how you can. Forgive them for not understanding you, and not understanding your dreams. Remember they are your dreams, and not everyone has the same dream. If getting along is not an option, be prepared to be alone and miserable.

Life sucks. Get used to it.

5. Material Things…

You don't need to have the best car or the best clothes. You need to have the best personality. Be the best person you can be, and people will like you. I have never decided to have sex with a girl because she had a great car or the best jeans in the world. No, I had sex with her because she said "yes". If you think expensive shit makes you look good, or will make people like you, you’re wrong. We see right through your insecurities and are laughing at you on the inside.

Life sucks. Get used to it.

6. Boredom…

Most of life is boring, and if you read this whole thing you are bored.

Life sucks. Get used to it.